Being a Nurse When Your Own Family Is the Patient
What is it like when a nurse becomes the caregiver?
Nurses know how hospitals work. They know the words, the routines and what the numbers on the monitor mean. When the patient is your own spouse, that knowledge suddenly feels very different. You are no longer at the nurses' station. You are in the chair next to the bed.
Roy Slootheer was working as an ER nurse when his wife Becky was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in 2012. Today he is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Oklahoma. In his memoir Broken Glass he describes patient care from the other side of the hospital bed.
Does medical knowledge help when your family is the patient?
It helps and it hurts. It helps because you understand the treatment plan, you can ask sharper questions and you notice changes early. It hurts because you also know what the scans and statistics can mean, and you cannot stop reading them as a professional.
What are the common challenges for nurses and doctors as family caregivers?
Two roles at once. Family members and colleagues may expect you to be the expert, while you need to be the spouse or child.
Knowing too much. Worst-case scenarios are harder to push away.
Wanting to control everything. It is tempting to check every medication and every chart, which leads to exhaustion.
Tension with the care team. Staff may feel watched, or may assume you do not need explanations.
Less room to grieve. Professionals are used to staying calm, and may forget that they are allowed to fall apart too.
How can you be a family member first?
Tell the care team you are a nurse, and also that you want to be treated as family
Ask them to explain things to you as they would to anyone, so the patient hears it too
Choose which tasks you take on and which you leave to the team
Let someone else be the medical point of contact now and then
Allow yourself to be the spouse, the parent or the child in the room
What can caregivers learn from this experience?
Many healthcare professionals who have been family caregivers say the experience changed how they treat patients and families afterwards. They explain more, listen longer and pay more attention to the person in the chair next to the bed.
Frequently asked questions
Should I tell the hospital staff that I work in healthcare?
Yes, but add what you need from them. Being open avoids misunderstandings and lets the team decide how to communicate with you.
Is caregiver burnout more common in healthcare workers?
Healthcare workers can be at risk because they often keep working while caring at home. Watch for the warning signs and ask for help early.
Roy shares what he learned as a nurse and as a husband. This is personal experience, not medical advice.
Read Broken Glass
In Broken Glass Roy writes about the day the ER nurse became the husband in the chair. Order a signed copy or read a chapter for free.
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